It is Sunday, it has been a beautiful Sunday. I went to church with my darling little sister and then we bonded the best way possible - a fierce competition to see who could gain the best scores on a video game and making breakfast for lunch.
I truly am blessed with wonderful family and friends. I recognize that more now that I have before. I think I have times where I recognize this but every new understanding seems to bring with it more appreciation, more love, more caring. Maybe it just gets deeper. What ever it is I am grateful for them.
Friday I was driving my car into work. I woke up in plenty of time to get out the door, check the fluids in my car and make it to work on time. I opened the hood and started to check the oil. Since to leave for work on time I have to leave at O'dark Thirty, it was hard to see, but it looked a little low. I took the oil cap off and when to the trunk where I was sure I had an extra quart of oil to top it off, and looked, but no oil.
Well... I had plenty of time so I put the hood down, let the car warm up and drove to the service station.
I got there, popped the hood and swore out loud, much to the dismay of one of the customers entering the shop. I had forgotten to put the oil cap back on before shutting the hood and starting the car. Oil had spattered everywhere!! I cleaned it off and began my search for the cap, it had to have fallen down into the recesses of the engine, it just had to of.
I tried to find my flash light, which was on the cupboard at my house where I had left it. I looked and searched and then I broke down and started to cry, and after swearing out loud chastised myself, but said a silent prayer anyway. It was like I had left my brain at home, what was I thinking, or better yet why wasn't I thinking when I had closed the hood.
I quickly went through my options... I could call my Dad, but he was at work. I could call Steve, but he was in Lehi and it was his day off and he works hard so I didn't want to wake him. Amy lives close... I tried her but didn't get an answer. I decided Chris works in Orem sometimes and maybe he'd be close. I called him.
I had only slightly composed myself at this point, I was still slightly hysterical and I'm still blaming it on the hormone medications. He answered I told him what was going on, he was at home sick. He told me to call Mark, but I knew he was working. I started walking home, dressed in black pants, my heels and dark winter coat. I was sure I was going to get run over or fall on the ice. He talked to me most of the way home, said he was getting dressed and would be down. I told him not to come till I had made it home to see if it was there by some miracle.
Precariously I walked the icy path home. It was a miracle I didn't fall, it was even more of a miracle that I found the cap about 10 feet from my parking stall. I called Chris, and walked back to the car, topped it off, put the cap on and drove to work, again saying a silent prayer of thanks. It was a drama experience. I know at the time I was making a bigger deal out of it than it was, but I felt so foolish and scared.
I had a scare recently, and it is amazing to me how things that you wouldn't usually talk about openly seem to become less and less taboo the more you have to deal with it. Also I've found that medical terms are meant to sound scary even when they may or may not be.
I was diagnosed in December with Endometrial Hyperplasia with atypia, in layman terms - the lining of my uterus had excessive abnormal cell growth. I didn't really freak out till the doctor used the "cancer" word - saying "atypia means there could be cancer growth, or they could just be unusual cells." They didn't know and wouldn't know till after a d&c to remove the lining of the uterus.
I had the procedure done on the 4th of January, and I should have results tomorrow. The way I look at it right now - no news is good news! I figure if anything had shown up they would have called right away to schedule for a hysterectomy. Since I haven't heard anything I figure that instead I'm just going to use the next forever of my life (or every 6 moths) to get to know my friendly Gynecologist, honestly I just hope they can get the bleeding to stop. I'm tired of it.
Through these experience I've gained an even greater love for those people around me that lift me up and support me. I haven't told many people, mostly because I didn't want to be a project, and secondly, because I've felt like everything is going to be okay. I'm grateful that when I make mistakes those people are there to lift me up and make me feel better. I hope that when others need to be lifted up and made to feel of their own worth, that I can be there to do that. That I can be used as an instrument in allowing them to know how wonderful, meaningful, and special they are.
