What an adventure...

Life really is an adventure. I was doing some recollecting this morning on the past year and the changes that I've made and am making. I am on a journey, and hopefully before I call it quits on this journey I will have lost 100 lbs. I've been making great progress, but its hard. I don't pretend that I don't cheat, because I do. I try to be good but some habits are just so hard to break. I'd really rather have pancakes with strawberries and whipped cream, hash browns, sausage, and or bacon than oatmeal or "healthy" cold cereal. It's hard eating 6 times a day and remembering - "oh, now it's snack time! Stop what you are doing and go eat". That being said, following the rules on eating that Dan, my amazing trainer, has given me, eating oatmeal and healthy cereal for breakfast is working, and I'm feeling good. I notice a difference when I eat and when I don't eat, and with what I eat.
Josh that I work with had almost cured me of my "I have to have a doughnut, because they are here" excuse. I see them, I think that would be good, but not as good as being healthy will feel. I wish that I could do the same thing with Chili Cheese Dogs, but I haven't found that will power yet, they always do, and always will be a weakness to me. Learning to eat healthy after years of not is not easy.
Along with eating healthy is exercise. I started doing water aerobics and got a monthly pass to the rec center. It fun. I really like the teacher on Tuesday nights. She makes it fun but kind of intense at the same time. I enjoy it, I also feel super uncoordinated and silly at times, but everyone else probably feels the same way, so usually I just make a joke and laugh it off. I bought a new bathing suit a week or so ago. I like that it is fully lined but you can tell a big difference between that and my tankini. The tankini seemed to have quite a bit more tummy control, sure you had to worry about the top trying to creep up under the flotation belt, but you didn't feel the jiggle like jello below the waist. I have to say this has given me cause to keep the core muscles tight, I am more aware of the jiggling when I don't. Its funny how with the new swimsuit my focus moved from my thighs to my belly. Focus is a good thing.
I've been doing a little weight training as well, and by little I mean little. My darling roommate has some weights and resistance bands that she has given me unlimited access to. I have not taken full advantage of that privileged  however I intend to take it a little more seriously. It is amazing to me how when you start to do something that is good for you, and you feel better after doing it, you still have a hard time doing it consistently.
I have to thank my family and friends for their support and help in this. It's hard telling your brother you can't go to dinner with them because Cafe Rio' isn't really diet approved, or at least the things you like to eat there aren't. It's hard eating before so you don't "pig out" on the bad stuff, it's even harder when you don't and you do eat to much of the bad stuff and feel like death afterward. They have been great in supporting and loving me through this, even when I'm moody.
Today Strider and I went up to Cascade Springs. It's been years since I've been there. It was a beautiful day and a fun experience. I like wanting to do things. I like feeling like I can. I like the changes that I see. I like this new adventure.

The Oil Cap Break-down and other "so called drama"

It is Sunday, it has been a beautiful Sunday. I went to church with my darling little sister and then we bonded the best way possible - a fierce competition to see who could gain the best scores on a video game and making breakfast for lunch.

I truly am blessed with wonderful family and friends. I recognize that more now that I have before. I think I have times where I recognize this but every new understanding seems to bring with it more appreciation, more love, more caring. Maybe it just gets deeper. What ever it is I am grateful for them.

Friday I was driving my car into work. I woke up in plenty of time to get out the door, check the fluids in my car and make it to work on time. I opened the hood and started to check the oil. Since to leave for work on time I have to leave at O'dark Thirty, it was hard to see, but it looked a little low. I took the oil cap off and when to the trunk where I was sure I had an extra quart of oil to top it off, and looked, but no oil. 

Well... I had plenty of time so I put the hood down, let the car warm up and drove to the service station. 

I got there, popped the hood and swore out loud, much to the dismay of one of the customers entering the shop. I had forgotten to put the oil cap back on before shutting the hood and starting the car. Oil had spattered everywhere!! I cleaned it off and began my search for the cap, it had to have fallen down into the recesses of the engine, it just had to of. 

I tried to find my flash light, which was on the cupboard at my house where I had left it. I looked and searched and then I broke down and started to cry, and after swearing out loud chastised myself, but said a silent prayer anyway. It was like I had left my brain at home, what was I thinking, or better yet why wasn't I thinking when I had closed the hood. 

I quickly went through my options... I could call my Dad, but he was at work. I could call Steve, but he was in Lehi and it was his day off and he works hard so I didn't want to wake him. Amy lives close... I tried her but didn't get an answer. I decided Chris works in Orem sometimes and maybe he'd be close. I called him.

I had only slightly composed myself at this point, I was still slightly hysterical and I'm still blaming it on the hormone medications. He answered I told him what was going on, he was at home sick. He told me to call Mark, but I knew he was working. I started walking home, dressed in black pants, my heels and dark winter coat. I was sure I was going to get run over or fall on the ice. He talked to me most of the way home, said he was getting dressed and would be down. I told him not to come till I had made it home to see if it was there by some miracle. 

Precariously I walked the icy path home. It was a miracle I didn't fall, it was even more of a miracle that I found the cap about 10 feet from my parking stall. I called Chris, and walked back to the car, topped it off, put the cap on and drove to work, again saying a silent prayer of thanks. It was a drama experience. I know at the time I was making a bigger deal out of it than it was, but I felt so foolish and scared.

I had a scare recently, and it is amazing to me how things that you wouldn't usually talk about openly seem to become less and less taboo the more you have to deal with it. Also I've found that medical terms are meant to sound scary even when they may or may not be. 

I was diagnosed in December with Endometrial Hyperplasia with atypia, in layman terms - the lining of my uterus had excessive abnormal cell growth. I didn't really freak out till the doctor used the "cancer" word - saying "atypia means there could be cancer growth, or they could just be unusual cells." They didn't know and wouldn't know till after a d&c to remove the lining of the uterus. 

I had the procedure done on the 4th of January, and I should have results tomorrow. The way I look at it right now - no news is good news! I figure if anything had shown up they would have called right away to schedule for a hysterectomy. Since I haven't heard anything I figure that instead I'm just going to use the next forever of my life (or every 6 moths) to get to know my friendly Gynecologist, honestly I just hope they can get the bleeding to stop. I'm tired of it.

Through these experience I've gained an even greater love for those people around me that lift me up and support me. I haven't told many people, mostly because I didn't want to be a project, and secondly, because I've felt like everything is going to be okay. I'm grateful that when I make mistakes those people are there to lift me up and make me feel better. I hope that when others need to be lifted up and made to feel of their own worth, that I can be there to do that. That I can be used as an instrument in allowing them to know how wonderful, meaningful, and special they are.