Glitches make me grumpy.

I went on to read my blogs in the reading list... and they were all gone. I think this was just a glitch as they are back now, but it caused me to panic for a moment. Then I thought, I wonder if there is anyone out there that check up on mine to read it. I guess it would be nice to know... so if you do, leave me a little note and let me know.
I've been thinking a lot lately. I've been thinking about what to write, or more so how to write it. I have things I want to get off my chest, and this seems like as good a place as any to do it, but I haven't. I just don't know that I want to put the sorrow and loss that I'm feeling into words. Words have power, and part of the power might be in getting rid of them, but part of it makes it more real as well. I don't know... I guess I'll have to just see what flows once I start typing. That's what happens anyway. Maybe I'll write it into a story, that seems to work well, plus you can hide the truth in a story. :)

March Photo A Day

March Photo A Day (lets see if I can do it!)

Day 1: L is for...

Live Living Lettuce!

Day 2: I made this...

A Baby Blanket with Teddy Bears

Day 3: Key

Random key's at the local  locksmith's

Day 4: Lucky

Lucky Penny - Heads up!

Day 5&6: Under Chair:

Silly Ms. Cleo loves to hang out under the chair

Day 7: Fear

I always get a little fearful driving downtown around the Trax trains.

Day 8: Favourite

One of my favourite pictures I've taken so far.

Day 9: Faceless Self Portrait

Day 10: I want...

Day 11: Important

It's important to get up when your alarm goes off,
but also good to have a back up just in case you don't.

Day 12: In the distance

The mountains in the distance on the ride home today looked so shiny!

Day 13: Sound

This little beauty transported dinner tonight and the lid did a little clang all the way there and back, yet it's one of my favorite baking dishes.

Day 14: Tasty

I forgot I wanted to take a picture and started eating first... oops.
Taco's El Pastor. Yum!

Day 15: Explore

All you need is a "Goode's" Atlas and the world is yours

Day 16: 9 O'Clock

Morning walk around a pond with ducks... it was loud for 9 am

Day 17: Green

Did you know it's not felt on a billiard table, but billiard cloth which is wool or a wool polyester blend? Also it can come in other colors, but green is standard.

Day 18: Shoes

Scrapping it all...

I didn't post last week, I was busy cleaning, and by cleaning I mean clearing out the room that has become the catch all for everything I don't have a place for. Usually I'm a pretty organized person, but I realized last week that this room needed a change. Plus the fact that I was getting a treadmill that would take up quite a bit of space, so I needed to "make space" for it to take up. It will go where my guest room used to be, because I have decided I'd rather have this than a bed that rarely gets used.

This is the monster treadmill and I go a screaming deal on it. It's like the room was made just for it!

I realized through all of this organizing and cleaning, that I'm pretty sure my mom could get rid of the boxes of stuff she has of mine in storage. I think if I haven't used it in the 10 plus years I've been away from home I probably don't need it.

Also I realized that I don't take the time to do some of the creating that I like to do. I do some creating. I've been crocheting like nothing else. I've made bath salts and bubble baths and even tried my hand at shower soothers (these didn't turn out so well), I cook and create in the kitchen.

All of my crafting and other miscellaneous stuff fit nicely into the  shelves once I was done.

That being said - why is it that I have crates full of paper and stickers and scrap booking stuff that are just sitting collecting dust and space? Is it that my life isn't important enough to put down on paper anymore? Is it that the photos I take when printed usually find their ways into others homes? I don't know, but I've decided that it is time to scrap the scrap booking supplies. I'm thinking there are others out there who could and would love to give them a good home and who would put them to good use.

I was researching places to donate them to and came across 3 possible candidates:

http://mothersofangelsutah.blogspot.com

http://operationscrapbook.blogspot.com

http://cropsofluv.com

I think all 3 of these have potential, but because the first one is local and I can drop it off in Salt Lake, for that fact alone they are my choice. This being said, if any of you out there would like to come and see if there is anything you would like before I donate it all, I'm totally open to that, just leave me a message and we can set up a time. I think I may even create an open house even on Facebook for it.

Now to go and walk on my new toy. :)

The scariest part of flying is not the flying...

My family had been planning a trip to Disneyland. They'd been planning it for a while, and in typical fashion, I thought for sure I wouldn't be able to go with them. I didn't have the vacation time to take off of work, I had some major car repairs come up that drained most of my savings and I'm not sure if anyone else noticed, but I noticed that my check is a major amount less than it used to be, I'm told this is due to an increase in taxes. I'm not happy about this, but that is another post entirely.

So, they were planning the happy trip and as it got closer and closer, the desire to go grew and grew. My mom and aunt kept saying "You should just fly out for the weekend." I didn't think that this sounded like such a bad idea, except for the fact that I am quite large, and it concerned me that the plane would be full of people and I'd get stuck in the middle trying to belt up my seat belt without drawing attention to the fact that I couldn't. This is an irrational fear, I know, but still after not going to the gym for well over 6 months, and watching the scale show it, it felt like a real enough excuse.

The Disney Magic won out in the end, and I ended up booking a flight to leave on Wednesday and go down and spend Thursday and Friday with the family and then drive home with them on Saturday.

Wednesday night I was met with much anticipation at the Long Beach airport. I say much anticipation because the flight was delayed. However it was a delightful flight, and the seat didn't pinch my hips and the belt fit perfectly, so I'm not sure what I was so worried about.

We got back to the hotel and to my sorrow, the kids were all asleep, and most of the adults too. I said Hi to the few that were awake and turned in for the night. I was awakened the next morning by a phone call from my sweet niece asking me if I'd eat breakfast with them. It made my day. I was greeted by the following

then we made our way to the park. My other nieces and nephews had gone off already to explore the wonders of Lego Land, so I didn't get to catch up with them till later.

but shortly after meeting up we headed to the park. Along the way we met up with my Aunt and cousins and their cute family. I think I caught a great couple of pictures of them, see...

Amy and Mark gave Jory his early Birthday present, and he decided he liked it so much he'd wear it the whole day. I never knew that Dumbo was his favorite Disney character, but apparently it is (don't quote me on this, I just thought from his excitement at the hat that it must be true.)

Then as typically happens I took a few more pictures and then stopped taking pictures and rode rides and played with the family and had a blast hopping between parks.

We met up, the whole group of us, all 20, for dinner. I think we may have overwhelmed Tony Roma's a bit. I was told when we went in there not to order Chicken because they aren't famous for Chicken, so instead I ordered the shrimp pasta. On their menu it says Steak, Seafood, and Ribs... or something to that effect. I don't like Ribs or Steak for that matter... I thought I'd be safe. I wasn't... but dinner with the family was fun!

The next morning I was met by this group...

And was told after making them pose for about 25 pictures, that it wouldn't be Disneyland without me and my camera... awe! But seriously, shortly after taking the photos my camera battery died, so I ended up playing much like I did the day before, only this day we got rained on but not before we had the kids done up like this....

We had a little puppy too, but he was too busy being a puppy to be in the picture.

Even though it was raining it didn't stop us from having a good time. We did take a break from it to go see the production of Aladdin. It was amazing! Even the little kids sat mesmerized by the performers. My favorite part was the Elephant he rode in on during the "Prince Ali" song. It was awesome.

We rode and played and had lunch, and all met back up later to go to the "World of Color". If you haven't been to Disneyland to see this, you need to. It was amazing, and my picture doesn't do it justice.

The next morning we said goodbye to those staying behind for another day of fun and headed out on our way home. After only one sick kid incident we made it to Utah and were met by a terrible snow storm. My mom made us promise we'd stay in St. George, so we found a room there, hunkered down for the night and got up and headed back to "home sweet home" the next morning.

Cleo must have finally missed me, because she wouldn't leave my side for the first 3 days I was home. I think she's pretty much over it now... must be time for another vacation. 

Drum roll please?...

And we are back... almost like I never left, except for that big gap on the timeline between posts. Don't you worry, I'll be a little more dedicated on this whole blogging thing... STARTING TOMORROW. :) I have a bunch of pictures I want to post, and a trip to Disneyland. Who doesn't want to hear about a trip to Disneyland? Well if you are that person who doesn't, then you've been warned to watch for the post and to avoid it. :)

The UnValentine

Wow! I haven’t blogged in quite a while… time to start it up again…

As I ponder this Valentine’s Day, I have quite a few thoughts going through my head.

Apparently my brother seems to think I’m way anti romance, or love. He gave me a book for my birthday titled “The UnValentine” by Sam Beeson. It is a very cute book and he said it reminded him of me.

http://www.amazon.com/Unvalentine-Sam-Beeson/dp/1590388437

I can see his point of view on this. I seem to balk at romantic comedies. I think people who have to declare their sappy puppy love on face book and other places should find something more constructive to do with their time, and although I’ve had relationships that have been fun, I’ve never gotten myself too attached.

But does that mean I don’t want romance or feel love? I’ve been watching quite a bit of “Glee” lately. I love the music and it is so over the top cheesy that I can stand it. I like Jane Lynch’s character Sue Sylvester. She is so calloused and hard, but underneath she really is soft. Is this how I come across to my family and those I love now, and have loved in the past? I’ve been through my share of heartbreak; I just don’t let the world know. Is that cold? Maybe. Maybe not. I just don’t see a point in letting others know I’m miserable. I’d rather just come across as a happy carefree person. If you piss me off, I’m not going to let you know about it. I’ll find something else to focus on, something else to care about, and when that wound heals you won’t even know it existed. Unless I really care about you, then you'll know... ask my family.

I do want romance and love, as two of my personal heros can attest – I helped them out with Valentines this year. I loved helping and giving ideas that sometime in the future I can use, but they can test drive and give me feed back on. This year I did send  a card (or two). 

One of these people told me I’m a care giver and that that is why I’m able to help out with the ideas they needed. I needed to hear that, especially when I start feeling like people see me as a cold un romantic anti valentine person.

 And just because I feel like this right now...

http://shop.cafepress.com/do-not-touch-me-cupid

Doesn’t mean that I don’t want this later….

 or this 

http://www.someecards.com/the-walking-dead-cards

What an adventure...

Life really is an adventure. I was doing some recollecting this morning on the past year and the changes that I've made and am making. I am on a journey, and hopefully before I call it quits on this journey I will have lost 100 lbs. I've been making great progress, but its hard. I don't pretend that I don't cheat, because I do. I try to be good but some habits are just so hard to break. I'd really rather have pancakes with strawberries and whipped cream, hash browns, sausage, and or bacon than oatmeal or "healthy" cold cereal. It's hard eating 6 times a day and remembering - "oh, now it's snack time! Stop what you are doing and go eat". That being said, following the rules on eating that Dan, my amazing trainer, has given me, eating oatmeal and healthy cereal for breakfast is working, and I'm feeling good. I notice a difference when I eat and when I don't eat, and with what I eat.
Josh that I work with had almost cured me of my "I have to have a doughnut, because they are here" excuse. I see them, I think that would be good, but not as good as being healthy will feel. I wish that I could do the same thing with Chili Cheese Dogs, but I haven't found that will power yet, they always do, and always will be a weakness to me. Learning to eat healthy after years of not is not easy.
Along with eating healthy is exercise. I started doing water aerobics and got a monthly pass to the rec center. It fun. I really like the teacher on Tuesday nights. She makes it fun but kind of intense at the same time. I enjoy it, I also feel super uncoordinated and silly at times, but everyone else probably feels the same way, so usually I just make a joke and laugh it off. I bought a new bathing suit a week or so ago. I like that it is fully lined but you can tell a big difference between that and my tankini. The tankini seemed to have quite a bit more tummy control, sure you had to worry about the top trying to creep up under the flotation belt, but you didn't feel the jiggle like jello below the waist. I have to say this has given me cause to keep the core muscles tight, I am more aware of the jiggling when I don't. Its funny how with the new swimsuit my focus moved from my thighs to my belly. Focus is a good thing.
I've been doing a little weight training as well, and by little I mean little. My darling roommate has some weights and resistance bands that she has given me unlimited access to. I have not taken full advantage of that privileged  however I intend to take it a little more seriously. It is amazing to me how when you start to do something that is good for you, and you feel better after doing it, you still have a hard time doing it consistently.
I have to thank my family and friends for their support and help in this. It's hard telling your brother you can't go to dinner with them because Cafe Rio' isn't really diet approved, or at least the things you like to eat there aren't. It's hard eating before so you don't "pig out" on the bad stuff, it's even harder when you don't and you do eat to much of the bad stuff and feel like death afterward. They have been great in supporting and loving me through this, even when I'm moody.
Today Strider and I went up to Cascade Springs. It's been years since I've been there. It was a beautiful day and a fun experience. I like wanting to do things. I like feeling like I can. I like the changes that I see. I like this new adventure.